We Have Evolved (But Not In A Good Way)

At some point, as proto-humans, we stopped being hunters and gatherers and started planting things so we could stay in our same cozy houses every night.

Now apply this principle to the decision not to give us flying.

Previously, I needed flight primarily for picking flowers.  No flowers mean no potions, no potions mean no raiding.  I would spend hours swooping around enjoying the scenery and grabbing all the herbs I could.  Remember when you’d be swooping down on a flower and some assface druid swooped faster and didn’t even have to shapeshift?  Yeah, those were the days.

In Cata we could fly from the start… well unless I’m forgetting things.  And I did the quests with flying and was happy for it.  This is one of my favorite screenies:

I’m putting out fires in bird form carrying a freaking bucket in my beak.

In WOD, I have not been out herbing once because WOD is no longer based on a society of hunter and gatherers.  We’ve been evolved, whether we like it or not.  Anything I want, I grow myself in my stupid garrison.  While at first it was convenient, later we realized it was just a monstrous chore.  Instead of circling and swooping, I’m poking from planter to planter on a tiny little plot of land, sending out my idiots, and putting in work orders.  A chore that was formerly at least marginally fun is reduced to garrison tending or, out in the world, the hack and slash of the leveling process to fight your way to your resources.

The devs talk about the world being vast and full of danger – and I never see it because it is too time consuming to gather flowers on foot.  And you don’t get a sense of vastness when you’re toe to toe with monsterface on the way to a flower.  It narrows perspective instead of broadening it.

You can’t roll back the clock and revert the game – it has to move forward.  But settlers are boring and are most certainly not the adventurers that hunters and gatherers are.

Around The (Horde) Garrison

Maybe I’m looking at this with rose-colored glasses because I’ve never before truly played horde, but I love the horde garrison.  Well as much as one can love a garrison (so not that much).

First, I blew up some goblins.  If there is a clicky to click, one must click it, so I did.

plunger

explodey2

exploding

I kind of exploded myself, but didn’t die, so it’s a win all around.

Next, I see this peon sleeping, just SLEEPING in my garrison!

peonsleeping

I remember the old days when you could whack peons on the head in the orc starter zone and that was my favorite quest of all time (do they still have that quest after cata?)  Anyway, I was unable to whack or otherwise wake up this lazy jerk just crashed out in the snow.

Then a grunt comes along (as you can see above, walking toward the peon) and promptly smacks the shit out of said peon.

scared peon

Grunt walks away, peon does the scared jazz-hands.  Classic.  5 minutes later that damn peon was asleep AGAIN in the same spot.

I am also pleased to report that the level 2 garrison has a toilet, so I don’t have to “piss in the snow.”

outhouses

Twig of course wanted to see me blow up the goblins a lot of times and then we waited for sleeping peon to get whacked again.  I miss Squiggy, but overall I like this hordie garrison.

Total Eclipse Of The Owlbeast

I hit 90, and I was being cheap. Is it “cheap” if you really don’t have the money?  Let’s substitute “strapped for cash and incompetent at earning more”.

A home equity loan had been taken out on the garrison to upgrade the healing heirloom set and I was faced with the unpleasant prospect of either spending another 15k on my cat set or… sigh… learning to boomkin (again).

boomkin

The dance is the best part. (The dance is the only good part…)

This time, I made it several days before I started gnawing little owl feathers.  I coughed up the 15k and respecced back to kitty.

A New Garrison (Winter Has Arrived)

I was touring my new hordie level 1 garrison, and in typical 7-year-old fashion, Twig asks me where the bathroom is.  On the alliance side, some of your followers will go in the outhouse, and if you try to enter when one of them is using the potty, the follower will very grumpily say OCCUPIED!

All around the garrison I ran, but no outhouse.

“Well,” says Twig, “you’re just going to have to piss in the snow.”

“PISS?” I said, in my most mom voice.  “Where did you learn THAT one?” Knowing full well that I’m responsible for much child swearing, but not that particular term.

They grow up so fast.

Grid2 Guide Up

I’ve been happily using Grid2 since my return to WoW and now I’ve taken it upon myself to write a guide for it.  Because, hey, Vuhdo and Grid-prime have guides.

An example of the EPIC ART in the guide.

An example of the EPIC ART in the guide.

Here it is.  Still working on grabbing all the screenies, and as with all guides, it evolves.  Enjoy!

Hair-Looms

I mean heirlooms.  Totally.

Finding myself with some money on the alliance side and with pocket lint on the horde side, I thought I’d take a stroll over to the pants-vendor to help myself out.  Everything was cheaper.  OK, that’s new.  After buying pants and stuff, I thought that I’d better find out just how to get the chest etc – I knew darkmoon, but didn’t know how many tickets.

And then, after consulting Google F Search, I found out that I’m a moron (or have been way too busy to read patch notes due to this “RL” thing) because there’s a crazy dwarf selling all the things in Ironforge!  Off I went to Ironforge to go SHOPPING.

Hawt

Hawt

After I spent way too much money, I realized that my toons on my old server (from 3 years past) should have some money.  Oh, they did.  MOAR BUYING!

Dps gear - less hawt.

Dps gear – less hawt.

However, then I wanted to upgrade a few pieces.  The upgrade tokens cannot be used by a toon lower than level 90.  My old server’s toons are level 85 with a bunch of spare cash, while my sole level 100 toon on another server is close to broke.  Lots of woe there!  Was I going to have to level up one of the 85’s to 90 so I could use some upgrades?

The answer is nope!  Heirlooms are still mailable to any toon on the account, and that includes the upgrade pieces.  So I buy the upgrade with my lvl 85’s cash, mail it cross-server to my level 100, and my level 100 applies the upgrade in collections TA DA!!!

I’m feeling all smug.  Well, except the part where my troll looks like a moron, regardless of upgrades applied.

zelosha

Feathers? Really?

Leveling Again (And Seriously, The Journey Needs Rethinking)

So back when I was leveling a druid alliance side, I was bitching and moaning about no aoe healing until the mid 70’s (which is bad), but at 15 (when dungeons unlock) is far worse.  I had two abilities when I entered my first dungeon: rejuvenation and swiftmend.  A hot and a 15 second cooldown heal.  With just those two heals, well, you’d better hope that nobody takes too much damage and just rely on the roflstomp nature of low level dungeons to get you through.

I got regrowth at level 18.  Now, I could heal a whole low level dungeon with just this one spell.  Inefficient and would probably run me out of mana, but at least I’d be able to cast something instead of saying “duhhh 5 more sec guys”.

Compare this to my disc priest who got flash heal as a baseline before even picking a spec and then received penance thereafter.  You can easily functionally heal with just those two spells at low levels.  (Edit: I should add that even before flash heal, I got the Bubble.  Worship the bubble.  But it’s not a spammable heal and would run into the same problems as swiftmend.)

The first spell a healer should reasonably get is the simplest: the single-target spammable heal.  This is just basic logic.  Grrr.

Priests and Stuff

Why do all the decisions in my life come down to cute versus functional?

I really wanted to play a goblin because they are super cute and I like the personality. But my healing choices with them are shaman and priest.  I like shaman, but its output is lackluster and I know that I’m not enough of a superstar to compensate.

Priest… well I used to play a priest.  And I liked it. And I’m good at it.1  However, the changes (and not-changes!) to priest are displeasing to me.2

Should I list my whines?  Oh sure, why not.

Feathers on the ground.  That’s the solution for getting out of the bad.  You know what my solution is?  People should move their fucking characters and get out of the bad.  If they don’t see the bad seeping into their own ankles they sure as shit aren’t going to see a feather on the ground and use it to escape (since apparently they aren’t looking at the ground, which is the entire problem).

Thank the all powerful atheismo for rocket boots.  Also Glyph of Restored faith.  That’s right, I won’t be saving your ass.  You’ll be saving mine. Thanks!3

Weaving in DPS.  This shit again?  Sigh.  And now the dps doesn’t even do reasonable healing, it’s just a side chore to do in your copious spare time.  Because healers have so much time to piddle around with dps.

That rules out discipline.  Srs.

Weakened Soul.  This is nothing new, and I’m not sure how else one would limit shielding, but it’s a huge pain in the ass.  It means that stacking disc priests is hard, and body & soul for getting out of bad purposes is unworkable.  Oh wait, I forgot, feathers.

Reason #2 why discipline is not working for me.

 CC “choices.”  So now I can’t have psychic scream and mind control at the same time?  that’s bullshit right there.  How the hell am I going to fear someone and THEN mind control him off a cliff?  Spoiling all my FUN, Blizzard!

That dumbass shadowfiend remains.  Seriously, I hope they improved the AI on that, because mine was always wandering off and getting me no mana – but bringing me some new and exciting friends who wanted to make my acquaintance by biting my face off.

The Lolwell.  I have no doubt that it is actually useful now.  Still, I find it amusing that it took how many years to get it to be not-sucktastic.

But wait, there’s a glyph that reverts the lightwell to its former version that people are supposed to click.  Which they never did.  I’m laughing so hard right now.

 In conclusion…  I say that I can deal with disgusting troll feet and be a druid.

  1.  Shut up, I totally am
  2. Granted some changes happened in pandaland, but I wasn’t here for pandaland, so all of them get lumped together.
  3. Now I just have to target someone who doesn’t stand in bad.  So thehusband is out.

The Balance Druid Deal-Breaker

I managed to talk people into messing about on the horde side with my incessant QQ about being super-bored with the alliance.  7 years in wow, all alliance, I think it’s time for a change.1

As another change of pace, I decided to try to level my troll druid as balance rather than feral.  At level 10 I picked balance and went off to blast the shit out of things.  I had a nice sun/moon thingy tracker and was ready for action.

I got into combat and this giant fucking orb appeared over my head.  I have to turn THAT off, I said to myself, I just need to find out which addon it is.  Blizzard effects off, check.  It’s not supervillain.  It’s not droodfocus it’s… At which point I alt tabbed out to Google F Search and discovered to my horror that it’s just baked into the game above your character’s head and it will always be there without any way to suppress its idiocy.

I ran screaming for the nearest druid trainer so I could swap back to feral.  Experiment over.  Since I failed to take a screenshot of the godawful ball of evil in my haste to get rid of it, here is a dramatic reenactment, for posterity:

troll

Epic art!

  1.  P.S. Fuck you, Varian!
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