Ok, how many times in the last… month or so have people posted about how to be ready to raid?  And how many of our raiders are ready?  Like none.  This is because they don’t read!  Or don’t know how!  Or we write too much.

So here’s the absolute final, no-nonsense, short-short-short TL;DR list on how 2 show up for a raid, and after this I’m going to wash my hands of the failnerds who still aren’t paying attention.

  1. Find Answers Online. This might as well be the only thing on the list.  If you need an answer to a question, your momma isn’t going to tell you.  FIND IT.  If you are whining about how you can’t find it, you fail.  GOOGLE. FUCKING. SEARCH. How do you not know this already?
  2. Get Gear. But how do I get gear?  Oh right GOOGLE FUCKING SEARCH.  What level of gear do I need for Raid X? What stats are good?  GOOGLE FUCKING SEARCH.
  3. Enchant and gem that shit. If it can take an enchant, enchant it.  If it has a slot, gem it.  What stats?  GOOGLE FUCKING SEARCH.  Wah wah I have to grind rep.  If you spent as much time grinding as you did whining you’d be done by now.  Unfortunately finding a fucking backbone is not on GOOGLE.
  4. Bring consumables.  Duh what do I need to bring to a raid?  How on earth will I find that information?  There’s this dude I know, his name is GOOGLE F. SEARCH.
  5. Study the boss encounters. OH WHERE am I going to discover these tidbits?  OOOGLE-GAY UCKING-FAY EARCH-SAY.
  6. L2P. This should really be first because it is assumed, but geesh people, know how to play your class before showing up.  I am confident at this point that you can find out how.  It starts with GOOGLE and ends with SEARCH.

In conclusion: shut the hell up and type in a search term already.  If you wanted to find something porn-related, it would take you about 30 seconds to find hawt chipmunk-on-squirrel action, but when it comes to how to gem warlock GOSH I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE.

I realize that GFS may not be the best source of online information.  However, it is a source that is completely accessible by basic common sense to: the new-to-WoW; the unitiated in WoW resources; those strapped for time; the incurably stupid; and the lazy. No excuse for not having looked it up.  None.

In fact, I just did one for something random.  How do I gem for an arcane mage?  Check this shit out:

Click to embiggen

Seriously.  I found my answer in ONE GOOGLE FUCKING SEARCH.1  It wasn’t rocket scientist search terms, it was THAT EASY.


I need a beer.

  1. Now you might say “you did multiple searches and picked the best one to show us.  Well, I assure you that I am FAR too lazy to do that.  ONE SEARCH.  FIRST PAGE.  Then I went to do randoms because I still need fucking badges.


Raid Readiness – the final word — 27 Comments

  1. Zel, there’s some distinctly ragey anger leaking out in that post. 😛 Also I like Google F. Search. I think we should put up a portrait of him, somewhere near Ulysses S. Grant and Harry S. Truman. >_>

  2. Here here! Next time I hear someone in my raid bitch I will just tell them to “GOOGLE FUCKING SEARCH” then link this in raid! :) Ah I see good times ahead.

  3. If you are organizing and leading PuG raids, you may want to ask puggers to link  achievements to reduce the likelihood players are unfamiliar witth the fight mechanics.

    If you are organizing and leading guild raids, you may want to post very basic strategies in your forums and ask payers to alt+tab to the forums to read the post before you start a new (to many) encounter. I find a one paragraph write-up for all, and one specific paragraph for healers, DPS, tanks, and special roles to be sufficient to give us a chance.

    Adding a “Raid Stretegies” menu to your blog may be even better and drive up your traffic.

    If you are pugging known content, you may want to skip raids which do not ask for achievements.

    Your frustration will not go away if you are part of random groups with no set relevant criteria and have no way to guarantee a minimum of preparedness level. Expecting randomly selected players to be knowledgeable is wishful thinking and is bound to lead to frustration and disappointment.

    I was in a similar space ten years ago until I realized I had to be more selective who is attending my raids, provide a very short description of every boss encounter, or change my goals. I have been much happier after I took these steps.

    Good luck to you!

    • Funny you mention a raiding page – I plan to add one (and have been planning this for a while).  However, since the world is changing so much, I’ve decided to just start compiling resources post-cata.  No point in doing work that will just be superceded by new information in a few months.  By the same token, the class guides/resources page will be redone (the old one will still be available to view) from scratch once the post-cata guides start appearing (or the pre-cata guides are updated).

      • There is never a better time to experriment with format and level of information than in the last 60 days preceding an expansion in my opinion.

        Two or three setbacks at this time would be nearly inconsequential.  Two or three setbacks at the beginning at Cataclysm and you risk alienating the players you want reading your strategies.

        I wrote class guides for my guild a long time ago but my experience was rather negative; a lot of time invested for very little return. I prefer to coach players on a one-to-one basis nowadays and find it more rewarding, even when considering half the players move on to a more serious guild when they become good enough. YMMV.

        • See, and I wanted to avoid putting up “placeholder” pages in anticipation of information coming out.  I figured that mostly-empty pages would be an annoyance.

  4. Zel, I’m not sure how to raid correctly. Can you give me some good resources on how to play my class? I will ignore everything you say unless there are pictures. Thanks.

  5. How do I find Tranny Porn?

    Google Fucking Search?

    I think the problem is where to find things, I think just alot of people can’t fucking read.

  6. Google ftw! Seriously.. you can find anything with Google.
    Also.. if you type “Google” into Google.. you will break the internet. I swear!

  7. Pingback: Kiss My Alas » Blog Archive » Life as a gm: /cast [target=self] STFU

    I lol’d.
    I need to show this to my husband, who likes to use me as an information database. (Admittedly, he does it less often since I flipped out and shrieked “do I have Wowhead.com tattooed on my forehead? No, I don’t! GO FUCKING LOOK SHIT UP OR WE WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN.”)