INTRODUCTION AND PURPOSE

If you look at the minor glyphs for mages regarding polymorph, there exist two different ones which change your polymorph from a sheep to either a penguin or a monkey. In the interest of SCIENCE I will attempt an experiment to combine them into a new animal to be called either a Pengkey or a Monguin.

Upon hearing my bold SCIENCE experiment, Zelmaru informed me that it can’t be done. She cited an old Loverboy song (which apparently got plenty of airplay where she grew up) where the chorus was “A penguin and monkey DNA just don’t splice!” The air guitar riff she did after that was amusing and unfortunately she would not perform the song again when I had a video camera handy.

Not to be proven wrong, I have decided to do my experiment, and to make sure it adheres to the rigorous standards of SCIENCE, I have decided to follow the basic format used by SCIENCE students everywhere.

THE HYPOTHESIS OR QUESTION

Use of both the Polymorph: Penguin glyph and the Polymorph: Monkey glyph will cause your polymorph spell to make the target into a Pengkey or a Monguin.

I typed monguin in GIS and much to my surprise several people have thought of this before.

Source: Biro Art.

MATERIALS AND METHODS

1 Glyph of the Penguin
1 Glyph of the Monkey
1 Minor glyph not mentioned above
18 units of Vanishing Powder

In order to make sure that glyph position didn’t affect the outcome, I needed to make sure that every possible glyph slot combination was attempted. This required the 3rd glyph to overwrite the placed glyphs and the majority of vanishing dust to make sure I went through all possible configurations. I attempted 10 polymorphs per configuration to allow for the possibility of multiple outcomes.

DATA AND RESULTS

The Pengkey or Monguin never materialized. The only result was a penguin every time. The Glyph of the Monkey never manifested itself in any visible form when both glyphs were equipped. This had an unintended side effect of disappointment and sadness in the researcher.

CONCLUSION

The conclusions I have come to from this experiment are as follows:

First, science is stupid. If I can’t have a Monguin or Pengkey because of “genetics” or “Dominate genes” or whatever you call them, then science obviously isn’t as cool as I thought.

Second, Penguins are superior to monkeys. This seems counter intuitive because monkeys live in tropical climates with abundant food and nice temperatures and penguins mostly live in colder climates and just eat fish all day. But the hard fact is despite these appearances, it seems that “science” tells us that penguins are dominant to monkeys. If they were equal monguins would be real, and if monkeys were superior than the experiment should have shown monkey every time.

Third, Zelmaru, and therefor the band Loverboy, was right. I need to be alone to consider the impact of this on my world view. (Loverboy being right, not Zelmaru).


Comments

Arcanetinkertank presents a glyph question in the style of a 5th grade science fair project — 4 Comments

  1. Lover Boy is always right, duh! I am sad the monkey never came about. Monkeys are known to be lazy. I don’t think penguins are superior, they are just less lazy and cuter

  2. I think the penguin might be.  By virtue of the climate and living conditions they are normally found in you could easily make the case that the penguin is the tougher of the two.  And as such it’s not laziness that kept the monkey from ever appearing, it’s the fact that the penguin repeatedly beat his ass like he stole something and through those repeated acts of pure domination the monkey realized he will never be the penguins equal and he wept alone and unloved in the corner.