Twig’s Reactions to Blizzcon

Hi everyone.  Twig here (your favorite 3-year-old).  I thought I’d give you my in-depth analysis of Blizzcon news about Wow.  Mom’s analysis would be lame and cursory.

Panda!!!

Guys, I’m so excited, they’re making my favorite movies (Kung Fu Panda, of course) into a video game!

Racial Bonuses

Shall we look at the Panda racials?

Bouncy: reduces fall damage by half.

Po can definitely bounce.  Not only does he fall down the stairs, multiple times, but his belly makes that “BOING” sound whenever anyone hits it.

Inner peace: double rested XP.

This was one of my favorite parts of the movie!  That rat, I mean “Red Panda”, finding inner peace.

Gourmond: +15 to cooking.

Papa Goose was a noodle chef.  Looks like the panda doesn’t fall far from the tiny goose tree.

Epicurean: double stats to food buffs.

Do I really need to tell you how much Po loves to EAT?

Quaking Palm (from the live stream): Puts a target to sleep for three seconds.

Ok, so in the movie the “special hold” actually obliterates all the things, but let’s not nitpick.  It ain’t the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

Go watch the movie.  Slackers.  Or you’ll be totally unprepared for this expansion

Pandas Can Be Good Or Evil

This is a stinky lie.  There is no such thing as an evil panda.  If you choose Horde, you should automatically transform into a leopard or peacock or other suitably evil race.

Monk

OMG!  Panda has a stick just like Po in the freakin movie!  And in the action figure.

I guess other people can have sticks too.  Where’s the monkey or tiger race?

6 Talent Points

Score!  I can totally count to 6!

Granted, I, being awesome and all, can count to 20, but the rest of them (who are clearly not as awesome as I am) can at least get to 6.  Yay for Blizzard making the game accessible to the average preschooler!

A New Continent

This is totally plausible, guys, that there’s a continent that we never discovered before.  Hell, I just noticed that we have a hot tub in the back yard and I’ve lived here, like, since I was crawling.  Let’s cut them some slack for not stumbling over this continent until now.

Minipets Can Battle

OH. My dreams have been answered.  Ima gonna get mah core hound and roast you guys with fire (Gramma Murloc says not to stand in it).  Mom also says that pokemon cards are too pricey, but we’re already paying for a Wow subscription.  This is what Dad calls “revenue neutral.”

It won’t be revenue neutral when I buy this little bugger from the Blizzard Store.  Eat my Lightning!

Year Long Paid-Up-Front Subscription = Free Stuff

You buy a 12-month pass and you get a mount, Diablo 3, and a beta invite.  Now, being that this is the ONLY way a 3-year-old is going to get into a beta, I heartily support this plan.  My feedback on bugs and features will be legendary.

This is what Dad calls “bundled goods and services encouraging overconsumption.”  Then Mom did an eyeroll like she does when he talks about “the deficit.”

Challenge Mode Dungeons

Mom was muttering something about “more gogogogo stupid DPS”.  Even I know that there is no such word as “gogogogo”.  When it’s time to slow down, do you say “stopstopstopstop” because that’s the opposite of “gogogogo”?  You grown-ups are confusing.

PvE Scenarios

No tank?  No healer?  No problem!  Which is good because nobody except Mom wants to play a healer.  I worry about her sanity.

Final Analysis

Is this expansion going to be awesome or what?! (Mom says “or what.” Mom is also babbling something about Republicans of the Old Space Wars, or something of that nature.)

Comments

Twig’s Reactions to Blizzcon — 14 Comments

  1. I never realized that Twig had such a potty mouth. You might wanna cut her bourbon intake by half. But not the nightcap. I’m not cruel.

    Nevertheless, Twig’s analysis is spot-on, as usual. It’s a shame what’s probably gonna happen to this blog when she gets her own. Hope you guys have alternate plans, like writing for WoW Insider or something.

  2. I’m excited about all the new features. I think it shows Blizzard is trying to reinvigorate the game and keep the people who don’t like raids. Those people are really important to keep the game feeling populated, to buy my crap on the AH and manage guilds for me. So if pokemon is going to make them happy – and heck it sounds kind of cool, won’t spend much time on it probably but I have 115 pets, might as well do something with them – then that’s awesome.

    The speed run thing might be great, because all the gogogo people will go play there with my husband and leave the folks who want to take their time and smell the roses, alone. Since they are going to normalize gear for challenge modes, it’s something you have to chose to do, not just a “if we do this dungeon super fast we get a bear mount” style. Nobody has to participate if they don’t want to.

    And the scenarios – now the whiny dpsers who think 15 minutes for a queue is too long can do something else. I think these are all nice anti-QQ measures. I can keep playing WoW the way I like, without complete casuals or total hardcore players telling me I’m doing it wrong.

  3. Just because scenarious don’t REQUIRE a healer does not mean you can’t heal them. I picture it like a ‘suggeted players 3′ quest. You can do those with a tank and two dps, or a heals and two dps, or three good dps maybe with one of them wearing plate, or being a hybrid with some heals. I think it will be like a battle ground. You can get by with no heals… kinda. But everyone is very happy to see a healer or two zone in.

  4. Dear Twig, I am fairly new to WOW, so I am not quite as invested in the latest expansion pack as most others (like mom and dad), however, it was very nice reading your reaction to blizzcon. It made me smile, unlike some other reviews I’ve read. Here’s hoping your enthusiasm catches on!

  5. How I love your Kung Fu Panda images, very creative and good analysis, I am excited about the expansion, The reason why Blizzard keeps adding interesting concepts, raids, and classes because they sure don’t want to get behind, they want to entertain the players more, Mists of Pandaren is one of them. And Yes Totally Agree with the Kung Fu Panda 2012 will be the year of awesomeness in World of Warcraft! haha!

  6. Wow, I thought you were kidding about the racials – double the food benefits? Umm… that’s going to make a lot of min-maxers race change. Yay Blizzard for creating an incentive to purchase the race change service!

  7. Twig, I think you and my 3 year old daughter will get on VERY well. She would say to you that you are “leet” which means “plays World of Warcraft very good”. My daughter E is very much looking forward to World of Kung Fu Pandacraft.