Ragnaros is a Stupid Jerk

There are only a few bosses in WoW that I’m just SICK OF.  Mimiron, that took weeks to kill.  Lich King which took over 100 attempts.  I looked.  My first post about the Lich King fight was August 18, 2010.  We defeated him November 16, 2010.  That is 3 months of… well Hell.

And now Ragnaros.

I know, progression takes a lot of tries and learning, but knowing that I’m in for a night of 10-15 wipes is really disheartening.  To answer Beru’s Question: Are 400 pulls fun? NO.

I feel like I have nothing new to write about because all I am doing is the same old thing week after week.  It’s like groundhog day.

Anyone else stuck on that jerky firelord?  Come, cheer me up.

Plagiarists: Will They Never Learn?

It was brought to my attention by Grimmtooth that a TGN-TV artist1  is giving away original art that definitely isn’t *COUGH* the Stained Class Series by Liala of Disciplinary Action.

Just so we're clear, I'm not taking credit for THIS here picture, that is clearly from icanhazcheeseburger.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s going to be posting about this… but this cannot be allowed to stand.

*edited to correct confusion re: TGN-TV and TGN*

  1. Ok, TGN-TV is not the same as TGN.  Yes, they sound the same.  Yes, this is probably intentional by TGN-TV.  Jerks.

Guest Post: Raid Leading with Style

This latest guest post comes from the evil tyrant awesome guild leader and raid leader Alas.  She is helping me out with content for the blog because I’m le tired.  Writing epic verse is toooooo haaaard.

Hey everyone. It’s Alas here. I’ve been winning lately. Seriously #winning. I think I might have some sort of large cat blood running through my veins. I mean, look at how awesome life has been for me lately: no more Kooky, a new job, husband with a new job and a better commute, baking shenanigans that have resulted in decadent croissants, Brandon Sanderson talking to me like I’m a real person, and let’s not forget that whole awesome Gnome Clone thing people are talking about.

Since I am clearly living the awesome life and am so on top of things that my very presence is like totes magical, I told Zel that I’d kick a guest post her way. One that explained how to be awesome and raid lead with style.

Because that’s how I roll all the time! Awesomely and stylishly.

Getting Started

The first thing you need to do to raid lead with style is to make sure that you have the proper raid composition. I’m not talking about crap everyone knows here. I’m just saying, when you’re making sure you have the proper balance of tanks to healers to dps, also make sure that you’re bringing the following:

  • Two whipping boys (4 if 25-man)
  • One person with a disco ball
  • An enchanter
  • As many mages as possible

If you can’t find most of these things, then just bring the two whipping boys. That’s the most important part. You’ll learn why below.

Once Having Assembled

Once you’re all in the instance and getting ready to rock, the first thing you’ll need to do to start the raid out on the right note is to give a little speech. You’ve watched movies, right? And whenever an army is about to go to war and they’re basically standing around in some field with bushes tickling their asses and looking like they want to let loose with some sort of bodily function or other, their leader always comes up with some brave and inspiring words about how totally awesome they all are and how they’re gonna go pwn faces.

Your raid needs to hear that, too! I always let my speeches come to me on the fly, because you obviously don’t want to use the same one every night or people will start to think you’re not sincere in your belief that they are capable of beating these raid bosses. And, you know, of course you’re not. But part of being a good leader is to pretend.

  • Pretend you care how your troops are feeling.
  • Pretend you actually remember their names.
  • Pretend you don’t want to reach out and choke the life out of them yourself.
  • Pretend you believe in them.

Anyhow, a typical speech from me usually goes something like this:

“Alright guys, tonight we’re facing down ______. It will be a challenge, but I know we can do it. We have great ______ tonight. And I’m convinced that ______ isn’t going to be a total fuck up like he was last time. so as long as ______ doesn’t _____ again, we should be fine. We can get this. I mean, sure, most of the other guilds out there have already killed _____ upwards of a dozen times and we’re lucky to even see the second phase, but you know, we have to work with what we have.

“If what we have continues to cock things up, we’ll be opening recruitment and getting rid of ____ and ____. So if you want to see those two stick around, then you better be prepared to keep carrying them. Or we better all pray for a miracle and hope their apparent strategy of facerolling the keyboard pays off for once.

“Is everyone ready? Great. FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!”


Assignments are super-importante. The mark of handling those with style is to over-pull the trash and while everyone is freaking out about how to deal with the third pack of trash that just took out the healers, you scream over their panic about how the tanks need to be TANKING ALL THE THINGS, and DPS, stop hugging the floor and DPS ALL THE THINGS.

Healers? Healers are always on their own.

Look. They think they’re so fucking special with their little channels and their special addons and the way they don’t even try to help kill anything, ever, except for some priests and even then, have you seen their results on the meters, what a joke I mean really amirite?

So you just tell those guys, hey, you think you’re all smart and special or whatever. So why don’t you figure it the eff out?

They’ll still whine at you about needing tiiiiiiime, but you can just say HEY. None of the dps or tanks needed a plan. I don’t see them dying.

Shuts them up every time.

Keeping things in line throughout the raid

Now your raid of awesome style should be well and truly launched. The last thing to keep in mind throughout the night is to maintain the style. There are two really effective ways to go about this, and I recommend you employ both. It helps to keep people on their toes.

The first method is the crotch punch. We use this in EtI all the time and it’s super useful when you have so many couples. The concept is simple: pit those husbands and wives against each other.

Say a tank fucks up (easy to imagine since it happens all the time). Just tell their significant other to crotch punch him for not using the cooldown when he was supposed to. A few times of that happening and that tank will be on the ball (heh) when it comes to using his cooldowns appropriately.

The second method is slightly less effective because there’s no physical pain involved. However, employed wisely, it can reach those raiders who don’t have anyone around to threaten them physically, so it has slightly better reach.

I speak, of course, of the verbal abuse.

They key here is to be inventive and keep things mixed up. Here’s a little chart I keep taped to a monitor so I can pick new combinations. Just take one from column A and match it with one from column B and you’ll have a wide range of slurs to hurl at your raiders.

Floral Slurs
Column A Column B
Stupid  Hyacinth
 Brainless  Geranium
 Obtuse  Poppy
 Dense  Buckwheat
 Daft  Bugbane
 Ridiculous  Aster
 Dippy  Iris
 Ugly  Rose
 Horrid  Amaryllis
 Revolting  Gladiolus
 Hideous  Peony
 Obnoxious  Lavender
 Loathsome  Moonflower
 Abhorrent  Daffodil
 Repugnant  Tulip
 Shameful  Calla
 Despicable  Daisy
 Disgraceful  Verbena
 Appalling  Lily
 Wilting  Snapdragon
 Flaccid  Sunflower
 Limp  Phlox
 Cavalier  Goldenrod
 Slipshod  Forsythia
 Slack  Thistle
 Slovenly  Orchid
Drooping  Violet


In Closing

Be awesome and stylish like me and everyone will love you. It works for me. I’m still winning!

There is Gno Escape

Some bloggers who are obviously insane have started a gnome-twink-pvp project.  Read more about it here, here, and here.

Gnomes are awesome!  However, I just flat-out don’t have time to be doing such tomfoolery, as much as I’d like to.  So, in honor of the project, I have changed my main’s hair to match the gnome army.

OK, then, I confess, I changed it right back because OMG is that hairstyle UGLEH.  I know, I know, I’m in the minority on this opinion but… UGLEH.

But I digress.  If you want to hang out with bloggers and PvP, or just engage in unabashed silliness, go forth and make yerself a gnome.  Instructions on how to participate are here.

Parliamentary Papers

I am such a slacker.

I revived my link friday doodad to say… Tales of a Priest is back!  Please rely on Derevka, not me, for your srs bzns priest info.  I hear he does math.

Also, if you haven’t subscribed to Warchief’s Command Board yet, you fail.  Do it!  From Cool Things About Being Warchief to The Monday Mailbag to EPIC VERSE!  P.S., Fuck You, Varian.

More?  Ok.

Playing the Game with Your RL Friends


I’ve played WoW with RL friends.  Hell, one of them got me to start playing WoW in the first place.  However… I can’t say that it ever worked out.  I’ve had relationships in-game turn into out-of-game, but the reverse doesn’t work for me.

Different In-Game Priorities

I’m a raider who likes to raid.  RAID RAID RAID.  My RL friends may not have the same style as me.  They may want to wander off and do achievements.  Ugh.  Yech.  And in order to play with them, which I want to do and, let’s be honest, feel obligated to do, I have to do what THEY want, or they have to do what I want.  And I don’t want to say “NO I HAET THAT” which leads to…

Don’t Want To Eff Up The RL Friendship

You can probably tell a guildmate (nicely) that he or she is doing something totally wrong.  You can bench a guildmate from raiding for performance issues.  You can have a lengthy disagreement with a guild officer about a guild policy.  You can’t do that with a RL friend without it being at least a little awkward.  And then your friend is glaring at you.  Or you keep it to yourself and feel a bit resentful that you have to deal with OMG THAT EFFIN NOOB all the time.  Or your friend yells at you to get out of the effin fire and you FUME about it.

Separate Realms

There’s something to be said for leaving RL frustrations behind when you turn on the computer, and leaving computer frustrations behind when you turn it OFF.  I can’t fully escape from work if I’m meeting my coworkers for happy hour all the time.

Game First Then Become Friends IRL

Now, I’ve found the reverse way (in-game friends first) works pretty well.  When you join a guild, you find like-minded people to hang out with.  They already have your priorities, isn’t that convenient (or you wouldn’t have joined THAT guild).  Maybe you hit it off for realsies, and maybe you don’t.  But in my experience, I’m far more likely to find someone in my guild that roughly aligns with my RL style and priorities than to discover that one of my RL friends plays the game – and plays it in a way very similar to me.

And now, you guys, I want to hear about your experiences with commingling RL and in-game friends and worlds.

On Mole Whacking

Guys… have you ever heard someone dismiss healing as “whack-a-mole?” Sure you have.  Did you strangle the person?  No?  Well you have enormous self-restraint, congrats.

It ain’t just whackin’ moles.  If healing were an ACTUAL whack-a-mole game it would be the hardest and most evil whack-a-mole ever.

Don't whack THIS mole. It's too cute.

Welcome to Healer Whack a Mole.

There are a few special moles.  If you miss a whack on one of them, game over.  (The worst part about these moles is that they are whiny.)

Some moles appear to be defective and need extra attention, even though they are not the special moles.  (These moles are also whiny!)

Sometimes, when you whack a mole, it doesn’t go away and you have to whack it again.  Harder.  With feeling.  You can use a Large Mallet for those sorts of moles… but if you use it for all the moles, you will exhaust yourself before the end of the game.

Sometimes all the moles pop up at once!  Fortunately, you have an Wide-Head Mallet to whack multiple moles at the same time, although using it too much will leave you exhausted before the end of the game.

In fact, you’re always switching mallets so you can hit ALL THE MOLES without wussing out before the end of the game.  God forbid you pick the wrong mallet!

Some asshole spilled a soda next to the mole machine.  You have to avoid it or you’ll slip and fall.  If you slip in soda, game over.  Sometimes when you’re tiptoeing around the soda, a mole will pop up and you won’t be able to reach it.

I swear, I think I just saw a mole poking up not even on the table!  How the fuck did it get over there where I can’t reach it?  And how the everlovin’ hell did it manage to slip in the soda?

It’s really nice to have friends help you to get all the moles.  But if you guys don’t come up with a strategy, you end up hitting each other’s moles, tangling mallets, moles start going un-whacked.  If you have a team that is good, it’s an awesome game.

In Which Gnoble Enters the Panda Fray

I’ve been largely absent from Azeroth and blogging for a while. This has been due to a combination of factors ranging from Twig’s resistance to bedtime, feeling let down by Blizzard on the difficult tuning and overnerfing of the Firelands, and not much to say otherwise. If you don’t have something to say, it probably it is best not speak. But with the announcement of the next expansion of World of Warcraft I have seen the community in general start acting dumb. They say write what you know, and I know about being dumb so here we go.

Faction: Panda Hater Crew

The first faction in the Panda war is the Panda Hate Crew. I have many friends who fall into the Panda Hate Crew. They view the Pandas as a joke, ruining the game for me, make it too comical. “I’m gonna leave over this Dreamworks knockoff!” Well good for you. It is nice to know what you want and what you don’t and be able to make those decisions. Best of luck!

Faction: Panda Lover Crew

These are the people who are absolutely and utterly stunned that the Panda Hater Crew exists. They are Pandas. I mean COME ON THEY ARE EFFING PANDAS! How can you not love these guys?!? They do martial arts and all those gorgeous Asian styled landscapes and architecture. This is gonna be so awesome. Well good for you. It is nice to know what you want and be able to look forward to it with the optimism which helps build community. Best of luck!

The Dumb Debate

If that was the extent of the divide it would be fine, but you idiots can’t leave well enough alone. See the Panda Hater Crew probably has their panties in a wad a bit too tight and are getting evangelical about it. You know that guy who graduated high school the year before you and bitched about how much high school sucked, but stuck around for another year still bitching? Yeah, don’t be that guy. Take the time you had with WoW pack it into a memory scrapbook of screenshots, probably write your farewell letter and put it all in a virtual shoebox in the back of your closet. Five years from now you are gonna open it up and be in a nostalgia overdose. You will forget every crappy thing about the game you ever had to deal with, and it will be great.

And Panda Lovers you are not off  the hook either. You guys are idiots because in the rally about how the Panda Haters are dividing the community thus ruining the game, you are in turn dividing the community and doing damage to the game. Everyone plays for different things. You have to be willing to let your friends make their choices about it and walk away if they want to see another game, or just want to sit this expansion out.  But if you get on your high horse and berate people for having a different opinion than yours you force the issue and make them less likely to calm down and rethink it and maybe be Panda Neutral.

The Real Answer

Gnomes. Seriously. Gnomes have always been the answer. You didn’t hear me complain about Goblins, Humans, Tauren, Forsaken, Orcs, Trolls, Draenei, Elves (Blood or Night variety), or Worgen. And you won’t hear me complain about Pandas. Why? Because I know that not everyone gets it, and I’m okay with that. And if I get worked up to the point that a race addition to the game makes me hate the game or hate people who hate that race, then I’ve taken it too seriously and need to quit the game for my own sanity. Like the game or don’t. Play the game or don’t. But arguing over whether this is a betrayal of what WoW is, comes off as ridiculous.  If you want to know what a betrayal of a game is like go talk to an SWG vet about the NGE.

Discontent is Contagious. So is Enthusiasm.

You know when you get to school/work and OMG you are wearing the SAME THING as your friend?  How. Embarrassing.  That’s kind of how I felt when Alas, Morehnai, and I all posted on the same day about discontent, disappointment, malaise, and burnout in this latest patch.  We didn’t plan it.  It was just “going around.”

A few weeks later, we had positive thinking going around.  We had some unfortunate drama, people left the guild, and suddenly the guild was revitalized – bouncing back from a potentially disastrous situation with a stubborn determination and dedication to our guild.  WE WILL BE AWESOME, DAMMIT, DESPITE ADVERSITY!

Wednesday night, we had NOTHING planned, yet a bunch of us were in guild chat making horribly inappropriate remarks about pedo-tree.  It was the most fun I’ve had on a not-raid night in a long time.  And the thing was… fun begets fun.  Socialization begets socialization.  On another night, I might have logged in, seen nobody online, done a few herbing laps, gotten bored, and logged off.  But people WERE online and having fun… which made ME stay online… and THEY probably stayed online longer than they normally would… and subsequent loggers-on saw ALL OF US having fun and THEY stayed around too.

Rinse, repeat on Thursday Night.  This time, we were in vent and I discovered that I was TOTALLY SPECCED WRONG in cat form.  Ok, not totally wrong, but let’s just say that EJ sometimes has a tenuous grasp on the reality of non-elite playing.  Twig made some cute comments into vent (dammit, she needs to SLEEP).  We did some SRS BZNS orb farming for guildie boots.

So, this feels so “back to normal”, though I can say that we probably haven’t been this “normal” since the disastrous Patch 4.2 hit.  It’s nice.  Gnoble says I’m getting my WoW second wind.  Hell, I think we all are.

Well… were getting our wow second wind.  Then, Friday, we heard about the fucking pandas.  A bunch of people are probably going to quit because of it.  Not now, but our guild definitely has a shelf-life ending at the next expansion.  And possibly sooner, after we kick the next patch’s ass.  Depressing, right?

But screw it.  Live for today, right? Tonight is RAID NIGHT.  I’m getting pumped watching Francis.  It will be spectacularly awesome.

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